A Thousand and One Coffee Mornings

You can say a lot about the English, their taste in food, their socio-political system, and the English weather, but one thing that the English are good at – really good at, is socializing.  Have you been to a good ol’ English pub or belonged to one of the Hash clubs all over the world, or met someone for afternoon tea?  - it is all about the socializing.  The same with coffee mornings.  There are coffee mornings which girl friends arrange at their houses, or in coffee shops, there are coffee mornings arranged by groups in order to help people make new friends and there are coffee mornings arranged for charity.  You meet at the allocated time and place and usually coffee and eats will be provided.  You then sit down and join in one of the conversations that happen around you. 

The first time in the UAE, around 2 BC (Before Children,) coffee mornings were the worst things on my agenda, I accepted the invitations because in those days the ex-pats were a close knit community and everyone knew I had nothing else to do.  I viewed the coffee mornings as time spent with ambitionless wives-of-someone wearing pearls and cashmere with high heeled shoes, vicariously living through their children, grand-children or husbands.  Talk was quiet and centered mostly around other people, TV programs or cleaning products, and then of course the, when-I-gave-birth horror stories. 

It took me a long time to join the ex-pat women coffee morning arranged on Monday mornings in Mirdif City Centre.  I arrived fully expecting to see the pearl and cashmere clan, whispering quietly together with cups tinkling delicately on saucers.  Instead I saw a group of women, some in jeans and Ts, with coffee in mugs, eating muffins with their fingers and you know what, I still don’t know who their husbands are, how many kids they have or what they use to get stains out of their dishcloths.  I did, however, get to know this great Italian broad who used to farm in the outback before she came to Dubai, a funky Lebanese interior decorator who doesn’t want kids and want to learn to tango, an ex-teacher who teaches aerobics to guys, a British quiz master who plays golf and a stunning French girl who struggles to speak English but who will be great at charades.

Is it the general make-up of the ex-pat community that changed or is it just me that landed among a great group of girls?  As I grow older I find that my attention deficit … o look at the pretty butterfly .. disorder becomes more pronounced.  I can’t stand being bored, I might have mentioned before that I consider being boring to be particularly rude.  I refuse to spend time with people or things that bore me.    Sometimes I find myself terribly boring.  It is then that I look up interesting people or places, or just loose myself in a good book.  I think someone famous once said “I’d rather be quite alone than in bad company,” well, it looks as if I don’t have to be quite alone, there are so many interesting people around. 

There is, however, a small small part of me that thinks maybe it is not the community that changed, but me.  Maybe I can now, fifteen years down the line, discover the adventurer inside the nifty fifty year old next to me, because even though I am also a wife-of, (thankfully without the cashmere and high heels - if you ever see me wearing pearls and cashmere smack me) like most other women, just a person with dreams and ideals, and I can now see those dreams and ideals in others.  In the end we are all, much more, the same and it’s nice to know.  Let’s drink a coffee to that.  

Letters to Juliet

 Chick-flicks; aren’t they the greatest? Here in the UAE Tuesday nights are chick-flick nights on OSN and last week’s was “Letters to Juliet.” The movie tells the story of an American girl who wants to be a writer, arriving at Juliet’s house (in Verona, Italy) where she sees women sticking letters to the wall addressed to Juliet. Late afternoon another woman came along and collected everybody’s letters in a basket. She follows this lady and finds a group of women, calling themselves Juliet's secretaries, answering these letters on behalf of Juliet, giving advice or guidance. She ends up going with the next day to collect letters and finds a letter hidden behind a brick that went unnoticed for fifty years:

“I didn't go to him, Juliet. I didn't go to Lorenzo. His eyes were so full of trust I promised I'd meet him and run away together because my parents don't approve. But, instead, I left him waiting for me below our tree - waiting and wondering where I was. I'm in Verona now. I return to London in the morning and I am so afraid. Please, Juliet, tell me what I should do. My heart is breaking and I have no one else to turn to.
Love, Claire” 

She decides to answer the letter; Claire then comes to Verona accompanied by her grandson (whose name slips my mind) which, predictably, becomes the love interest of the letter writer and of course after a few tears and misunderstandings they all end up together, living happily ever after. But it is only at the wedding of Claire and her Lorenzo (Claire is played by the elegant Vanessa Redgrave and Franco Nero (playing Lorenzo) is her real-life love – there is one place in the movie where she looks at him with such love and trust - and I thought, this is either real – or real good acting, that’s why I Googled it,) anyway, it is only at the wedding that the letter writer’s letter is read: 

“Dear Claire,
"What" and "If" are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together, side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? What if? What if? I don't know how your story ended but if what you felt then was true love, then it's never too late. If it was true then, why wouldn't it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart. I don't know what a love like Juliet's feels like - love to leave loved ones for, love to cross oceans for but I'd like to believe if I ever were to feel it, that I will have the courage to seize it. And, Claire, if you didn't, I hope one day that you will.
All my love,
Juliet 

What if … how many times have you said, or cried, or thought, or screamed those words? Many, many times have I tortured myself with what-if thoughts. Sometimes things happen to us that make us feel as if we’ve been in an industrial sized washing machine on the spin cycle. Things, which we cannot control in spite of our feeble attempt at claiming control with what-ifs: Someone close to us dies; we lose a job; get divorced; get diagnosed with cancer - we are made aware of how little control we have. 

A very wise and wonderful friend of mine (thanks Chantal) taught me the three step method to “getting over it”: 

1. Acknowledge, (say, write, scream if you need to, that it hurts, that you are angry and scared and feel helpless) 

2. Embrace, (now allow yourself to feel weak and scared and angry and helpless) 

3. Surrender, (and then, if you cannot do anything about it, you have got to LET IT GO.) 

That saying about what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger… well, we’re not dead yet :) … have you noticed that wonderful little “it’s never too late” in the letter from Juliet? It really, truly never is, as long as you are alive, it is not too late, even if someone passed away. You may not agree with me, but I always think when we mourn the loss of a life, we mourn for ourselves, because we have been left behind. And I think the reason why we have been left behind, is because it’s never too late. It’s never too late to follow our hearts, to muster the courage to seize the next day, it’s never too late, to live happily ever after. 

The End 

Juliet's secretaries really do exist. They are called the Juliet Club and they volunteer to reply to letters left in Verona, as well as organize events in honour of 'Romeo and Juliet'.

Nights with stars

The last few days here in Dubai has been positively cold and miserable.  Yesterday was 18 degrees Celsius and today 19, the occasional howling winds are not really helping much.  Over the weekend (Friday and Saturday over here) we even had rain.  I miss my warm clothes - at my parents’ house in Saldanha – definitely bringing it back when we’re coming back from SA at the end of summer holidays.

The school here has the most interesting extramural activities for the children to choose from, they have to do three extra murals every week.  On Sundays Louis does chess and Skye chose Manuscript Illumination (you’re going to have to ask her about it – I don’t know,) on Mondays Louis does Film Appreciation and Skye does 3D Art and for the Wednesdays extramural session both of them joined the Robotics and Astronomy club.  Last week Wednesday the club had an overnight camp at the Dubai Astronomy group’s camp site, just outside of Sharjah.  (I’ve included the link if you’re in the UAE and want to go yourselves – really worth it, they have programs or you can just go for the night – camping site or chalet-type accommodation available.) 

Although I didn’t think the overnight on a school night was a good idea, the experience opportunity swayed the balance and since the school invited parents along we all decided to go.  If you’re into sky-watching you’ll know that on winter nights the skies are generally clearer than on summer nights but the down side of that is that it gets really really cold.  The school provided tents, food and drinks we just had to bring our own sleeping bags.  And it was amazing; the astronomer looked like he could have been personal friends with Galileo Galilei with his long white beard, dish-dasha and wrinkles that almost completely covered his smiling eyes.  

He entertained the children with stories of Cassiopeia and Orion, pointing at the stars he spoke about with this ultra-cool green laser-light thingy, and later on all of us had the opportunity to see the planets and stellar bodies that was overhead through his telescope.  The camp is close enough to the city to be bothered by the light pollution, but nevertheless, being out under the stars, with a campfire and a telescope is still among my favourite things in the world.   Around ten o’clock the academic stuff started to wind down and as a result the children - around thirty teenagers’ energy (read irritation factor) started to climb proportionally. 

The parents who came but decided not to stay over started leaving around then and frozen as we were, we made a snap decision to also go home, rather than face the typical early morning after a desert camp, with sand in everything from your teeth to your toast, not to mention the close to zero overnight temperatures.  Louis was quite happy to go, but Skye gave us the silent treatment (she’s so cute when she tries to ‘glare’ at you with those soft brown eyes of hers.)  We will have to do a proper desert camp as soon as we have our own 4x4, hopefully that will be within the next two months.

On Friday evening Tinus’ company had a New Year’s function.  I thought that was such a nice idea, instead of having another end-of-year party, a party at this time of year gets things started off on a (in this case – super spectacular) high.  The company has grown so much, I knew very few people there, but it was wonderful to see some people I knew again, most of whom I haven’t seen in ten years.  The theme of the evening was a night at the Oscars.  I though the person who did the planning timed it perfectly, since, as those of you who follow things like this will know, the Oscar evening in America took place over the past week.  

  

Not only was the theme great, but the idea behind the evening was this:  Each department had to make their own version of a popular short film, starring the personnel working in that section.  The categories were Action, Drama, and Musical or Comedy.  The best per category films were chosen by the panel of judges (I think they were the company exec.) there were also awards for best actor and best overall film of the evening.  The winners received actual Oscar statuettes but the most beautiful part for me was that each winner chose a charity; the company then donated money to the chosen charity on behalf of the winners.    

The venue was the Raffles Hotel, next to the Wafi Mall.  After our Egyptian holiday the beautifully done Egyptian hieroglyphs that adorn the hotel’s walls was even more striking and the décor for the evening was perfect. The tables were covered with ice white linen and golden brocade overlays with silver stars sprinkled – quite tastefully, everywhere.  The shiny long stemmed glasses mirrored the literally millions of crystals hanging overhead off the chandeliers, grouped in threes over the vast ceiling of the hall, with gigantic prints of Oscar statues on the walls, strangely echoing the giant Egyptian statues of Ramses II on either side of the  huge wooden doors.  I love to dress up, and I think these days we don’t do it nearly as often as I would like to.  Fortunately everybody was donned in their best elegant wear, the Indian ladies’ saris are stunning and the all the beautiful people in their stunning outfits made the evening complete.

Tinus’ group did their own special rendition of Braveheart – Al Braveheart, I’ll try to insert the video, the massive sword is the handiwork of Louis and Skye, and the narrator is Tinus - real good Scottish accent I think :)  In the action category they were up against Terminator II, which sadly, won, many people agree with me that they were indeed better, but that’s how life goes sometimes.  Max was nominated for best actor and their film was also one of the final three in the best all over movie, but sadly once again, they were bettered by the Terminator, but I believe they “will – be – back” next year. 

Somewhere between Slumdog Millionaire and Mama Mia I went outside for some ‘fresh air’ only to discover that it has been raining.  What a brilliant feeling!  I tell you, even in the middle of a very modern city, rain in the desert is still special.  I felt like dancing in the rain and had a bit of a moment with one of the locals I ran into.  His face also bore one of those brilliant involuntary smiles as we stood outside, talking about the weather, both of us, almost, “singing and dancing in the rain.”

P.S.  (After the update on 25 Jan) The video is the final version shown at the event, this version also includes the Terminator II movie, so what do you think, Al Braveheart or Terminator II ?? :)  Click here to see if you can see video, it's very big so I hope you get it up/down loaded.