LIFE goes on

New Years Eve 2011, minutes before 2012 and the moon hangs over the city as if she's smiling at us. 

It’s a new year and we’ve lived through the annus horribilis. Tinus’ chemo therapy has been completed and is strong and healthy - for which I’m so grateful.  The children has completed a whole term in their new school and new subjects;  Arabic – which they’re excelling in, and French in which they are both doing exceedingly badly.  Louis has connected socially, while Skye still hasn’t made any new close friends.  Perhaps it’s because we girls need friends on a different level from what boys do.  She’s also got glasses – not reading glasses, but to see far – like her dad – and surprisingly, she loves it –and looks really cool in it.  (Perhaps kids today don’t look cool anymore but rad or sick or something similar.)   

Over Christmas we were in Egypt, no tree, no gifts.  The evening of the 25^th we four sat in the exquisite dining room of the Mena House Hotel at the foot of the giant Pyramid of Cheops and discussed our feelings on this over dinner.  We all love the big family get togethers, the days and days of baking and cooking and decorating, planning and selecting gifts, the secretive wrapping and hiding and the sharing but above all, the being together.  But how ok is it to celebrate a holiday of a religion you’re not part of?

Tinus suggested that we celebrate all religious holidays and we see Christmas as a day on which we celebrate God.  We spoke about what we see as our family traditions and decided to focus on creating a few more.  On New Year’s as we watched the mind-blowing fire-works display over Dubai two Chinese lanterns floated by our house and I thought I'd love to add that to our family traditions next New Year. 

 

Our house begins to truly feel like home, more so since we’re back after the holidays.  The pups and cat has settled; Tanzanite is slowly venturing out into the garden and Brigid has started to ‘sing’ with the prayer call, which is amusing, endearing and excruciatingly nerve wrecking. 

I am ok, at times, and at other times, when I think I’d like to live my life being more than just ok, I’m not ok.  But I learn.  There are times these days when I’m not even snarling when I have to tell people I’m a housewife – you won’t believe how often you have to state or fill in “occupation.”  It is one of those ‘quiet desperation’ things - being a housewife.  Much as I know it is a noble thing, the thing which keeps families together and that millions of very wonderful women all around this beautiful planet of ours do it with great pride and dignity, I still have to learn.

I miss my amazing bevy of creative, free thinking, open minded, enthusiastic, inspiring, energetic friends.  I miss the way they challenged and moved me, each in their own way, to be more, to discover more, to live more, to learn more.  I miss teaching.  I miss being close to my mom and dad.  I miss being able to walk up to the Merry Widow for a coffee and a chat, I miss popping in at Ilze’s for a lovely glass of red wine as the sun set, sharing thoughts and ideas, I miss learning stuff from Mathe while supposedly teaching her Afrikaans and so many many more.  I shall stop before the tears start.  

   

So, I miss a lot and have left a lot behind, but as Ghada said to me the other day: “you must find something for yourself here.”  And just now, as I thought of her I remember how I cried about leaving her and Ghaneema and Mizna when I left Dubai the last time.  That’s the thing about life, you always leave things behind, beautiful things, but you get more along more the way don’t you? 

I have learnt that I CAN cook;  I have a beautiful garden - well, soon to be, as soon as the grass seeds starts to grow and the little plants I planted start to flower… oo and I’ve planted two Jasmines!  I live in a beautiful house with my loving husband and two super kids;  I live in Dubai, a city among cities where everything is possible and I have more time on my hands than what is good for me, so I can read all the books I’ve always wanted to read, and I can sew and cook and perhaps even take up painting again.  The other day I played a CD we bought in Egypt (Nubian rhythms) and I donned my jingly belt and belly danced all over the house, here, all by myself, ‘cause I can! 

Yes, life goes on, and I plan to live it, not always quietly, and hopefully less often desperately.  This year (warning – New Year’s resolution coming up) I intend to be kind to myself, and blog regularly.  I hope to be able to post a blog once a week.  Next week I think I’ll tell you about our trip to Egypt.  Till then, be kind to yourself too.

Happy New Year!!!!

… yes you’re right, you didn’t see anything about giving up smoking  :